A frustrated wife and mom decides to document her husband's crap. She is joined by several other frustrated bloggers living with packrats and slobs.
Photos document clutter and unfinished chores along with dates in an effort to prove that she is right and he is wrong.
Please do not assume to understand the relationships between the contributors and their spouses based on the content of this blog.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Commitment, Counseling, Compromise

Well, it has been several months since I last posted. It seems that counseling has helped. While I cannot speak for my husband, I will assess the situation the way I see it.

At first DH went to counseling because he wanted me to get better (typical). But he soon realized that he was contributing to the unrest as well. I think he finally realized that the clutter was truly affecting me as badly as I claimed. He also realized some hidden anger, and that his anger caused him to ignore my requests for help.

It takes an humble man to admit all this, but he did. That alone got things heading the right direction.

So here is the atmosphere now: DH volunteers to help me hang pictures and clean up. We took a truck load of stuff to the flea market. He has developed a budget and no longer spends money foolishly (which he did when he was angry). He has short-term and long-term goals for getting the house clutter free and organized. Life is pleasant in our home now.

What did I do to bring about change? I packed up MY superfluous items (even things I wanted) and moved them out. I painted the interior of the house, which helped it look clean, and the color on the walls reduced the “look” of clutter. I learned to accept my husband’s limitations. His efforts at change are tremendous, so I’ve let go some of my expectations. In other words, compromise.

Also, my sister loaned me a book called “It’s All Too Much” by Peter Walsh which I highly recommend to all of you and your spouses. I just read it last night, myself. It sure put in words what we have all been trying to say. Here is an excerpt from page 45:

Clutter denies us peace of mind: Time and again, the people I deal with attribute much of the conflict in their relationships or the sense of hopelessness in their lives to the clutter itself. . . . .I constantly see couples whose lives are torn apart from their arguments about disorganization. Many of these people also struggle with anxiety or depression.

Due to fear of copyright infringement, I will stop there, but you get the picture. It is what we already knew: Clutter Causes Chaos.

I Hope the rest of you are Conquering the Clutter problem.

Cyclothymic Cister


Thoughts said...

Too late for me, been separated for 5 years now...

Congrats and good luck on the "compromises"


Chicka said...

((((HUGS)))) CC! It's a good start! we're still working on it here (and I'm afraid to post pictures on My Kids Are Pigs for fear of CPS involvement - LOL!) but we're trying.

I wish changing the household wasn't so hard, and wasn't on us. Ultimately it is though, so we've gotta go with the flow.

Unloading all kinds of baggage is a good thing.

Cyclothymic Cister said...

Thanks Chicka. Long time no comment. Was wondering where you were.

We are still being careful not to slip back into old habits, etc. But at least the dialog is open.

Hang in there concerning your messes!