Well, counseling was going well. Then, a huge setback. Instead of getting clutter cleaned up and finishing projects, DH says he wants a motorcycle. I don’t care what he does, mind you, so long as we have the money and the mundane things are taken care of first. So we had a big blow up. He is a classic example of passive-aggressive. He tells me that he wants me to be happy and to just tell him what needs to be done. Then he resents like hell when I ask him to do something. So to get even, instead of coming out and saying he is angry, he sabotages any hope of projects getting done by spending time and money on foolish things.
Without telling you all the sorted details of our domestic disputes, I will say that I calmly and matter-of-factly, proceeded to take a razor knife and cut up the carpet. It is filthy, cheap, supposed to be off white, but is now grayish brown and worn out. He took pictures, as if I were insane. I ignored him. I have pictures of my own, of his messes. (I took them several months ago, intending to post them on this site, but I felt like that would be betraying him. Blehhh).
So, our flooring is now sub-floor, which actually looks better than the old carpet. And tomorrow, a friend who just happens to be a professional painter (who owes me a favor) is coming over to help me paint the interior of the house. (And painters always bring beer, yeh). Then I will hang pictures and shelves and get things in order. Then, I will clean out the garage even if it means getting rid of things we would ordinarily keep. I will clean up the driveway and the tool shed. If I have any extra money, I will buy a pre-fab plastic out building to put overflow tools in. I will do it without help from DH. After all, I did it when I was single. I will not let him make me feel helpless anymore.
Cyclothymic Cister
Friday, August 11, 2006
Klutter Kills a Marriage
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6 comments:
Praise the lord and pass the ammunition. I had to take matters into my own hands. Although now, I'm out of town and hubby has to fend for himself and is actually fixing a few things. If he tears down that living room wall like he wants to do (and I'm against it), there'll be HUGE trouble.
I can recall feeling like this so many times. Right now I AM helpless--I've injured my back and just can't do the things I used to. Now I HAVE to rely on him to get the mundane stuff done and it's just not getting done--not without alot of juvenile huffing and puffing over it at least.
All that to say--I'm with you. And it sucks.
Thanks guys, for understanding. Sometimes I think I am crazy. I'm not even sure the counselor understands the extent of the problem.
I think your husband is my husband's clone. What's really sad is that I grew up with a dad who would help everyone but not clean up his yard or do repairs on his house. All I wanted was a clean yard and a nice little house when I grew up. I now have a lazy husband who gets mad when I mow the yard because it's "his job". Whatever. I think I'm going to get me a wife instead of a husband next time.
jackie: I said many times that I want a wife!
What does your husband say when you tell him you feel helpless? Does he get it from your point of view?
And what does he say "the problems" are from his point of view? Can you at least understand where his mind is, or this just a big mystery area for you?
Andrew McAllister Ph.D.
To Love, Honor and Dismay
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